Wednesday, 5 October 2011

Volunteers Wanted

As part of a new feature, the Jestrian will be bringing you weekly updates of volunteering opportunites at the Exacta Stadium.

Current voluntary opportunities are:

Social Media Handling Officer – Primary duties include overseeing the social networking accounts affiliated with the players,  ensuring nothing vaguely negative about the club is made public. The position has arise due to recent social networking activity.  For example, Jamie Rainford inexplicably expressed frustration a few weeks ago and Liam Brownhill was issued with a formal warning by the manager at his day job after being caught spending a quarter of his working day “re-tweeting”.  This is an important position.  The city of Chester was brought to a standstill when an over-excitable fan got confused about a recent Wesley Baynes tweet, jumping to the conclusion that he was leaving.  The successful candidate will leave no room for false interpretation. Applicants should send a tweet to @binksy2468.

Burly Stewards – It has been commented upon that the current stewards are overwhelmingly polite and happy. However, should Chester progress up the football pyramid, it is inevitable away crowds will increase leading to increased demands on stewarding. More hostile away followings will require angrier stewards, who should also possess a fearsome grimace and have the ability to make fans feel guilty even if they’re not doing anything.  Previous experience telling people off for having a half a shoe on the yellow steps and being a general jobsworth preferable.  All applications should be sent to Chief Stewards Prince Richard and Sue Perkins. 

Pie Connoisseur – The successful candidate will ensure that matchday snacks meet the required standards and that the hot drinks burn the roof of your mouth.  Secondary duties will include ensuring that the question “what actually is Bovril?” is asked by at least one terrace-dweller per match.  Applicants should hang around the nearest refreshment stall on the next possible matchday.

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