Chester return to league action tomorrow when they face obscure outfit Frickley Athletic at the Exacta Stadium.
Frickley sounds like a cross between an entry-level swear word, and a plant that might bloom in your back garden in the Spring time, and their wonderfully-named manager Peter Rinkcavage was less than amused by his team’s lacklustre display in their recent FA Trophy game against FC United. Following a 0-4 marmalising by the Red Rebels, Rinkcavage (seriously, what a name) raged that Frickley had "played like a team of wazzocks" and admitted to "egging the cat" when he got home, in order to relieve his frustrations.
Looking ahead to the weekend and Rinkcavage will be hoping to have former Chester FC trialist Ollie Ryan in his squad. Ryan impressed in Chester’s first pre-season but was dismissed on the grounds that he looked too similar to then-target Kyle Wilson, which would have caused far too much confusion should the pair ever have been on the pitch at the same time.
"Hopefully Ollie can do enough keep the gaffer happy," purred a yolk-drenched Mrs Whiskerson.
In other Frickley-related news, the club has recently announced a link with Czech outfit FK Jindřichův Hradec 1910. Far from being just a random collection of letters and numbers, this is indeed a real team which competes in the 5th tier of Czech football, famous mostly for erecting a statue of Pavel Srnicek in the club car park. Potential benefits include making them sound a bit more interesting, like Garforth and their bizarre Brazil connection, and the possibility of stocking the clubhouse with strong Eastern European lager at a discounted price. Nobody has fathomed how Jindřichův will benefit yet.
Chester, meanwhile, will have to make do without the services of quiffy beanpole Michael Powell as he serves a suspension for being booked in the majority of games he plays in. Powell has a tendency to lunge in for unrealistic challenges in a way that is clumsy enough to warrant a yellow but timid enough to avoid a red. He is then typically spotted remonstrating with the official, sometimes with a flailing arm, before trotting away to accept the punishment.
“I’ve grown to enjoy it," said Powell of his weekly caution.
"It's as big a part of my Saturday as that bit on the X Factor where Dermot does his spin and declares that my 'weekend starts here.'”
The CFU officials are concerned that last Saturday’s game with Ashton was so drab that it could adversely affect the gate, but are hopeful that the publicity for the "Think Pink" day will catch the imagination of the Chester public.
“Yes, we accept it was tiresome last Saturday. That's why this week we’re advertising it more as a Breast Cancer Awareness day and then we're going to sneak the Frickley match in once we’ve got enough people down here,” revealed Larry Hipflask.