Friday, 17 February 2012

Chasetown FC vs Chester FC - Match Chase

Chester hit the road tomorrow as they travel to The Scholars Ground to face Chasetown FC.

Young’s men emerged victorious over Chasetown following the encounter at the Exacta Stadium, with Michael Wilde netting a later winner, back in the days when he used to do that kind of thing. However, Wilde is now a doubt for tomorrows clash having picked up an injury during what we must assume was a very important mid-week friendly against Christleton, for goodness' sake.

Christleton, renowned for being a reasonably posh area with a decent pub, isn’t exactly a football hotbed and critics have commented that a more suitable exercise might even have been a FIFA 12 sesh round Christian Smith's gaff.

“The boss thought it would be genius to go and play a team of clobbers with nothing to lose on a cold Tuesday night.  To be fair to Youngy, it’s not like we’re coming up to an important stage of the season where we need to keep our key players injury free or anything,” rasped jowly Gary Jones.

Another notable casualty is that of goalkeeper John Danby, who is certain to miss a few weeks of action with a broken hand. This has presented an ideal opportunity to reserve stopper Adam Judge to step up and Danby's understudy has struggled to stay sincere with his messages of support.

"Oh, I'm sooooooooo gutted for John," read one Judge Tweet.

"Oh no, now *I'm* going to have to play.  So sad for Danby," read another.

"I definitely haven't been waiting to something like this to happen all season," insisted a third.

All of these messages were then undermined as Judge, thinking he was sending friend Luke Holden a private message, publically declared "I was gonna stamp on him in Cruise anyway."

“Judders has been trying to injury Danby on the sly for weeks now - he was getting desperate.  At one point, he spiked John's drink with laxatives before a game, but then forgot which bottle he'd laced and drank it himself.  Classic!

"He can’t believe his luck that some opposition dude has gone snapped Danby for him. Oh, and Neil Young is a wazzock,” said Holden, probably.

The hosts are languishing in the lower reaches but have recorded some impressive one-off victories against some of the top teams in the division, and Young won’t be underestimating The Scholars.

“We’ll have to be at our best, get the three points, then go home and organise a midweek friendly against AFC Handbridge in order to try and get Sarcevic and McNeil injured,” said Young.

Chasetown have historically been one of them teams that do quite well in the FA Cup, thus earning the opportunity for a live televised game on ITV where they get patronised by silly people like Clive Tyldesley and Andy Townsend.

“I wasn’t aware that I could actually pass that well and trap the ball competently,” said previously patronised player Ben Steane, a customs officer whose surprising failure to be dreadful was noted by Tyldesley.  The ITV commentator then went on to produce one of his famously brilliant puns, bellowing that "Steane's exported the ball well there and will be seeking to restrict access for the opposition's strikers.”

Jumping on the sparsely-populated Tyldesley bandwagon, Neil Young joked that Chester would tomorrow be attempting to smuggle some illicit cargo past the Chasetown keeper.  At this point, all journalists present stared blankly at the Blues Chief before walking off shaking their heads.

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