Wednesday, 15 February 2012

Young Love

Neil Young is today facing up to disharmony within the ranks as reports have surfaced that the Blues Chief forgot to send Valentine’s Day cards to Chris Simm and Adam Judge. Young sends yearly cards to all his players in order to “make them feel appreciated” but the two fringe players slipped his mind and Simm is said to have been "left seething".

“It’s bad enough that Chrissy’s not getting a game, but he was really looking forward to his card and the lad is hurting right now,” said worried friend Amos Archibald.

Young has admitted that Adam Judge escaped his memory when it came to writing the cards, but the shot-stopper has been appeased by the promise of a guaranteed starting place for the foreseeable future following John Danby’s injury lay off.

“The gaffer has forgotten me, which is upsetting but I do understand.   I didn’t even recognise myself in the hat I wore on Saturday.   But Youngy says I’m playing for the next few weeks, and the Christmas card he sent me was handmade and everything, so I’ll let him off this time,” grinned Judge.

The card sent by Young to Michael Powell resembled a thinly-veiled warning over the languid midfielders style.  Printed on yellow card, the message read “Roses are red, violets are blue, your quiff is unnecessary, your bookings are too.”

Meanwhile, Blue$ Player Apologist Jaffa Cakes also got into the Valentine spirit, though faced an awkward moment when he had to explain to his wife that “the brooch isn't for you, it's for Colin [Murray].”  Mrs Cakes was instead treated to a meal at the Cock O Barton before being subjected to video re-runs and tactical analysis of each goal from the St Milner's Day clash all them years ago, when Chester City famously drew a match.  Meanwhile, Famous Colin Murray is expected to sport his brooch during the next edition of Match of the Day 2.

Not all club officials were so prepared.  Programme editor Bob Ashcloud clean forgot about Valentine's Day.  With his wife staring down the barrel of not receiving a card, Ashcloud had a last minute brainwave, tearing the middle page spread out of a back issue of the Cestrian that he had lying around, and scrawling his message in the autograph box beneath a photograph of Michael Wilde.

Meanwhile, postman Matty McNeil is now a doubt for Saturday, having put his back out delivering cards to the Chronicle office addressed to ladies' favourite Sharks Prowling.

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