Monday, 6 February 2012

Injury woes for Neil Young

Neil Young has an injury crisis ahead of Saturday's game against Stafford, as several of his players hurt themselves copying the American Football they watched on TV last night.

A tournament called the Superb Owl was played out between two teams, one of whom won.  Unfortunately, no-one at the Jestrian cares enough to find out anything more than that about what happened, as watching adverts, briefly interrupted by rugby with forward passes, until 4am is not a good use of anyone's time.

Nevertheless, a number of CFC players ended up watching the bizarrely popular spectacle as they were all round CFC Publicity-Gatherer and airplane-botherer Jaffa Cakes's house watching Bomber Boys, and didn't turn the TV off before the Superb Owl came on.

"Once a programme has started, I've gotta see it through to the end," said Chris Simm.  "So I made the boys watch it with me."

Only Joe Ormrod from the first team squad left Cakes' Ivory Tower before the "game" started, as it was his bedtime, and his dad came to pick him up.

Meanwhile, the rest of the Blues sat trying to figure out why anyone would enjoy this most stodge-ridden of sports.  However, as one player (don't know any names, sorry) got heftily wiped out, (we're assuming this probably happened at one point?) John Danby suggested that "maybe it's the violence that makes it fun."

Studies at the Royal Institute of Feeding the Daily Mail have shown that people are entirely influenced by what they see on TV, so what happened next was inevitable.  Putting on an old cricket helmet found in his spare room and stuffing a cushion underneath his suit, Cakes invited the Chester players to smash the living shades out of him, NFL-style.

Michael Wilde and Antoni Sarcevic were first to take up this offer, and knocked Cakes clean out.  After shifting the unconscious Media Magnet into the kitchen so that he could 'sleep it off', the rest of the players took turns in the makeshift armour.  Liam Brownhill was rendered unavailable for the weekend's match, as Wes Baynes slammed him into a wall.

"He jibbed me at Trivial Pursuit in the week," said an unrepentant Baynes, alluding to the pair's ongoing board game feud.

Meanwhile, Michael Powell suffered a gashed head, as he was unable to fit the helmet over his impressive quiff and Matty McNeil suffered a hip injury, because he's old.

Upon hearing of the evening's goings on and his unexpected sick list, Neil Young rolled out his current buzzword, commenting that that the boys had been "sloppy."

"Not playing American Football in someone's living room is something that we'll have to work on.  It's my job as manager to make sure they stop doing it, but the lads will also have to take some responsibility."

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