Thursday, 16 February 2012

Oh when will we play Chorley again?

Scientists at the Royal Institute of Obscure Parallels have today confirmed that Chester's away clash at Chorley has officially been re-arranged more often than the bookcase of an OCD sufferer who likes his things to be in alphabetical order, but also likes them to be in order of size.

The game was originally scheduled to kick off at 3pm on February 4th, but this itself was changed to a one o'clock kick off, as police deduced that last year's trouble was caused by fans protesting the all-too-traditional kick off time.

Irritated by this logic, the weather got involved and froze the Victory Park pitch, causing the game to be postponed.

"I'm sick of the cops and their daft schemes," muttered a passing cold front.

The game was initially re-scheduled for the following Thursday, before Neil Young remembered that he had a few of his old mates from Train School coming round for dinner that night.

"I remembered just in time.  The missus had promised to make us all fajitas, and there was no way I was going to miss that," explained Neil Young.  "I left Gary Flitcroft a voicemail to let him know we weren't going to make it."

Meanwhile, Chronicle journalist The Tall Peacock has denied rumours that he illicitly gained access to said voicemail.

"Do one, Leveson," said The Peacock.

The league then stepped in, scheduling the game for Saturday 10th March, booting the away clash with North Ferriby United to a Tuesday night.

"That's just not cool," said Ferriby boss Billy Heath.  "Tuesday nights is karaoke night down The Red Ferriby and I'm a regular.  I like to do a bit of Justin Timberlake, or a bit of AC/DC if I wanna rock out.  I hate Tuesday games, they ruin my week."

Upon hearing this news, Neil Young tried to get the Ferriby kick off shifted to an earlier time in order to allow everyone to attend the karaoke night with Heath.

"Me and Gaz Powell do a cracking version of Elton and Kiki's Don't Go Breaking My Heart," enthused Young.

Meanwhile, the police were getting involved with the Chorley encounter again, deciding that it would be far better to stage the match on a Wednesday night right at the end of the season.

"We think it's the perfect," said Police Constable Brian World.  "Turn it into what could be a title-deciding game, late in a day where people have either been in the pubs all day, or in the soul-crushing reality of their jobs.  What could possibly go wrong?"

The news that the game would now take place on Wednesday 18th April went down badly with some Chester FC "Exiles", with one "Exile" even taking to The Deva Chat to announce that it is "impossible" for the "Exiles" to make midweek games.

"Everyone is aware the Watford Gap heals over during the week, right?" asked Bobbie Exile. 

Away Support Co-ordinator and all-round legend Barry Hip-Hop was first to sympathise with the "Exiles".

"We feel bad that it's 'impossible' for them to attend, and we totally understand.  As a community club, CFC needs to reach out to those fans who live in places like Luton and Torquay.  We're dreading the day we get back to the Football League and find we can't travel beyond Walsall after 6pm.  None of us from Chester have memories of having gone to Bristol Rovers on a Tuesday night. Or Grimsby. Or Northampton." said the Honorary Life President on Saturday, during his 16th lap of the pitch.

"None of us ever did Southend on a Friday either, that definitely never happened.  Impossible."

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