Wednesday, 29 February 2012

What Not To Wear

Members of The City Fans United are finally seeing the fruits of their £5 investment with the launch of a poll to decide how wide the stripes should be on Christian Smith's shirt.

"I'm excited to be further shaping the future of football in Chester. The membership fee is coming in as great value for money," said Grant Growly, member of The CFU.  "It's just a privilege to be able to vote on this sort of thing.   Same as when we vote in the people who vote in the people who run our club.  You feel like you're really making a difference."

"You can have it in any colour you want, so long as it's blue and white stripes," confirmed well-known popular club director Neil O'Noel.

Shareholders are being asked to choose from a set of four designs, ranging from 'retro' to 'classic', and club historian Jazz Trumpeter explained why;

"Basically, we just asked everyone in the Former Players Association to bring in their old shirts.  The four on the website are the ones where we got a full set of fifteen back".

"Quick blast of Febreze and it's all good.  We'd have had a fifth option on there too - the Millennium season one, timeless - but no-one could get hold of Goran."

The current front-runner is rumoured to be a 1970's blue/white striped effort, but this may yet prove to be a logistical headache for Neil Young's men.  During a behind-closed-doors friendly to gauge player feedback on the 'new' design, the increased amount of white on the shirt was enough to confuse Chris Simm, who spent the game repeatedly trying to dispossess strike partner Matty McNeil, believing him to be an opposing centre half.

Further problems have become apparent with the goalkeeper's shirt as new signing Matt Glennon had difficulty squeezing into the heavy cotton top.

"He was showing a couple of inches of midriff," reported gaffer Young.

"We could try stretching it in the wash, maybe, but Gren Millington has put his hand up and said he'll play if needed."

"It might work, to be fair.  He's been hanging around looking for a game for ages now, and Matt didn't look like the goalscorer we believed him to be on Saturday."

In other merchandising news, Neil Young has recently taken to wearing a thin, waterproof jacket to his post-match interviews.

"Joma have stopped making puffers," despaired the Blues maestro.  "That's why we've sacked them off as a supplier.  I'm freezing in that dugout.  Gaz Powell is gutted, as no-one else makes hip high socks, but I'm the boss and what I say goes."

No comments:

Post a Comment