Extra police for Chorley encounter

In a move that should, but definitely won't, embarrass parties on all sides, the Evo Stik Northern Premier League clash between Chester and Chorley next Wednesday will be subject to an increased police presence.

In spite of the fact that 67000 people turn up every other week at Old Trafford without a great deal of incident, Cheshire Police like to panic like hypochondriacs whenever a crowd in excess of 3000 is threatened at the Exacta Stadium.  Indeed, it would be of little surprise to anyone if they insisted upon a 2am kick off and gave sedatives to every spectator who passed through the turnstile. Rumours that there will be a water cannon on hand are as yet unconfirmed.

On this occasion however, Cheshire Constabulary have empirical evidence to point to in order to rationalise their paranoia.  Following serious crowd trouble lat ast season's meeting at the laughably named Victory Park, which was by no means exacerbated by the entirely competent Greater Manchester Police and their hilarious practical joke of directing Chester fans into the path of rabid Chorley supporters, the Cheshire Police Force are determined to ensure that there will be no repeat.

In response to this, fans of both clubs have insisted that the measures are overkill.

"I'm not sure why the police feel the need to get involved at all" said Gary Haughton of Chester

"There is no hooliganism at Chester.  We only defend our own against other team's hooligans, yeah?  And if that means standing on a grassy bank and provoking them, then that's a measure we have to take.  There's an art to violence at football matches.  You don't know, because you're not involved."

This line of thought, if you can call it that, was picked up by Chorley fan Jack Cardell.

"One pensioner gets bricked, and suddenly the filth are all over it?  Talk about an overreaction.  It's health and safety gone mad.  Actually, can I say that again but use the term "'elf and safety" instead, so that I can disparage the concept without having a cogent argument?"

For some, the attempt to remove the threat of violence could ruin the day.

"How can I celebrate my teams victory if I can't drive my sovereign into someone's skull?"  rants Karl Turnbull of Newton.

"I bet they'd let Muslims do it!" exclaims Harold Coates, briefly forgetting which of his vile prejudices are being challenged.

"Why don't the police go and catch real criminals?" asks Liam Denny, who has just finished a 3 year prison sentence for aggravated assault.

In conclusion, there are no winners in this story.