Tuesday, 27 September 2011


Chester unveil their new website today, in order to try and move the club back in the direction of being a penny-grabbing, faceless entity.

"We've had enough of being a unique, fan-owned, community club, so we've sold ourselves up the river so that we can have a website that's exactly the same as every other club in the Football League. The big advantage of this is that the corporate bigwigs have insisted that we bring all the multimedia under a "Blues Player" scheme and we's gotta charge for it. There's enough gullible fans who will pay anything on the basis that it's all money to the club and hopefully with the revenue generated from this move, we can buy another striker to leave on the bench" said DJ Jaffy Bracks of The City Fans United.

"Because there's no outlay, and we're relying on volunteers like NATV and Blues Live, we can make as much money as possible, regardless of how much it damages the intentions of those volunteers who were trying to enhance the experience of following Chester for as many of their fellow fans as possible."

"There are some vague league rules about why we have to have highlights on the club website, which have never mattered before and which don't mention anything about charging fans for it, but it's a convenient smokescreen behind which to hide the corporate selling out."

In order to justify the costings, media man Bracks promised that the services would improve across the board.

"Obviously we'll be asking the volunteers to work even harder now that we're capitalising upon their good nature."

Jack Plunkett of Blues Live spoke enthusiastically about the change.

"It's great. I'm really relishing the prospect of commentating to a third of the audience we get now. Having thrown all this time and effort in, I'm excited that we'll now be doing something less popular in order to make other people money. It was my vision all along."

Chief Executive Patrick O'Cluskin further supported the changes.

"What people have to remember, is that some people liked how it used to be and it's important to move back in that direction now. The pleasing thing about this is that not only are we going to make even more money out of the loyal fans, we pretty much definitely won't be recruiting any new ones, which will help us return to being a club with a hardcore of 2000 and take any opportunity to make money off of them. It's the Chester way."

Dead author George Orwell had the final say, commenting that "the creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, but already it was impossible to say which was which."

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