Sunday, 11 September 2011

Professional Performance Confounds Philosophers

Chester continued a good run of form yesterday, with a workman-like 3-0 victory away at Worksop Town.  Following the game, several fans and officials of the club described it as a "professional performance", causing uproar in the philosophy world as some of the country's greatest minds started to ask whether it's possible for a semi-professional club to put in a professional performance.

"For me, this is up there with questions like 'If a tree falls in a forest and there's no-one around to hear it, who chopped it down?'" said Lennie Hood, who is remarkably intelligent but has chosen to spend all his time thinking about things that probably don't matter.

The Oxford Philosophy Post-Graduate continued "If a semi-professional player produces a professional performance, then he contravenes the very semi-professional nature of the game.  Either it's a conceptual impossibility, or Chester are cheating.  At best, they should be turning in semi-professional performances, or the entire integrity of the competition is compromised."

When asked what a semi-professional performance might entail, Hood shrugged and suggested "every time a player works hard to wins a corner, he has to contrast it by doing a shot of tequila?"

Hood was then asked to muse upon why amateur Sunday league sides insist upon buying expensive Nike kits because they "look more professional", at which point his head exploded in a self-satisfied cloud of smoke.

Meanwhile, Paul Morris who works for the Inland Revenue admitted there "may be some tax implications" should Chester continue to put in professional displays in defiance of their semi-pro status.

However, Neil Young rose above the confusion in the philosophy and financial worlds to praise his team for another three points well won.

"The lads really worked today.  At times it was tough going, but we earnt ourselves some good fortune and we're delighted to come away with a another win and another clean sheet" said the Blues Boss when asked to sum up the game in one word.

No comments:

Post a Comment