Friday, 30 September 2011

BiG Lupus the secret behind clean sheets

Players and coaching staff alike have moved to praise mascot BiG Lupus for their current defensive form which has seen Chester keep seven clean sheets on the bounce.

The giant wolf, who at best is a loveable children's character and at worst, a walking advertising hoarding, proving that even kid's entertainment must have some sort of capitalist agenda, has reportedly been helping the defenders with some extra coaching as well as giving pep-talks before each match.

"It became clear that Lupus had something to give when he overcame that giant Rice Krispies bar in a penalty shoot-out last season.  After the early defensive frailties, we asked for his assistance, and the results have been instant" said manager Neil Young

Michael Taylor has transformed himself from questionable fringe player to formidable lynchpin in the Chester back line, and he was also quick to praise Lupus. 

"To be honest, my heading wasn't up to scratch, but Lupus is excellent in the air, by virtue of his massive head.  We did a lot of work and a lot of drills, which also helped with my fitness and sharpness.  I was reluctant at first when it was mentioned that a giant cuddly wolf was going to be teaching me my trade, but I stayed open to it and I'm so glad I did.  I'm on fire now.  They all fear Tay Tay" enthused the centre back.

Not everyone was so willing to give the new coach a go, however.  Reports suggest that far from leaving Chester FC to pursue another career, Rob Marsh-Evans actually stormed out of a training session screaming "his feet are made of foam!" and refused to return to the club.

Having sorted out the defence, it's now thought that Lupus is to help Jamie Rainford find his elusive second goal for the club.  The striker has been getting agonisingly close in recent games, and with a couple of tips from the big wolf, Neil Young hopes that his record signing can be restored to the goal-machine he was at Marine.

"If there's anyone you want the ball falling to in the box, it's BiG Lupus" explained Young

"Over six yards, he'll beat anyone, and his reaction time and finishing skills are second to none.  Rainy has been doing some top work with Lupo, and we can expect him to be tucking them away in no time.  We'd actually field Lupus as a player if we could, but apparently the league says humans only.  Political Correctness gone mad if you ask me."

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