The Jestrian has bought a cat. The Jestrian's Cat will infiltrate the Exacta Stadium, and bring exclusive scoops that the Jestrian cannot get its hands on by itself. Here is his first report:
Tuesday 13th May
8AM - got to the Exacta before anyone else, so as to head off the milkman. Pilfered a pint of semi-skimmed from in front of the Blues Bar and waited for people to show up.
9AM - Neil's here. Turns out that he drives a car. Not a very good message to be putting out there, given that he's an ambassador for public transport. I have more whiskers than he does. Victory.
10.12AM - Took a wander into Pet Husky's office. He had no idea I was in there, as I am a master of stealth. He had the Widnes Vikings website open on his computer, the little skive. Reckon he still prefers the oval ball.
11.07AM - There's a meeting for the CFC volunteers tonight. Some of the staff are having a laugh because the volunteer co-ordinator, Barrelled Ferrets, gets paid whilst those doing the work don't get nothing. The finer points of economics escape me, as I just pay for things by killing sparrows and giving them as presents. Harsh on the sparrows, but that's nature, yeah?
12.30PM - Had a nap under Neil's car.
2.00PM - There's no cat flaps in this stadium, which is making things tricky to be honest. Managed to get up on my hinds to push a door open which turned out to be Jiff Bricks's office. Found a receipt for a suit shop where he'd spent £1,000. It seems a lot, but that was for 23 suits. And a tie. Stole the tie.
3.22PM - Husky still on the Widnes Vikings website. Between you and me, I'm not sure he actually does anything Chester-related.
3.41PM - Met up with BiG Lupus round by the bins. He's a good guy, shared some fish with me. We had a game of Tug-O-War with Bricksy's tie, and Lupus won. Looks good on him actually.
3.43PM - Lupus asleep, stole the tie back.
4.05PM - Contacted the Jestrian to warn that this feature is beyond ridiculous. Concerns ignored.
4.26PM - Strolled into the dressing room. Neil's drawing arrows and stuff on the whiteboard. Must be tactics for the Bradford game. Think we've signed some new players, too; midfield of Green Lane, James Street and Hooton. Found a puffer coat discarded on the floor. Curled up in it for a bit, and can see why he likes them. Talk about comfort.
5.23PM - Took a ganders inside the stadium. Husky's got the floodlights on and he's kicking a rugger ball over the goalposts. He looks happy.
5.30PM - Left to get home to the kittens before bedtime.
The Jestrian's Cat