Wednesday, 14 March 2012

Behind Enemy Felines

The Jestrian has bought a cat.  The Jestrian's Cat will infiltrate the Exacta Stadium, and bring exclusive scoops that the Jestrian cannot get its hands on by itself.  Here is his first report:

Tuesday 13th May

8AM - got to the Exacta before anyone else, so as to head off the milkman.  Pilfered a pint of semi-skimmed from in front of the Blues Bar and waited for people to show up.

9AM - Neil's here.  Turns out that he drives a car.  Not a very good message to be putting out there, given that he's an ambassador for public transport.  I have more whiskers than he does.  Victory.

10.12AM - Took a wander into Pet Husky's office.  He had no idea I was in there, as I am a master of stealth.  He had the Widnes Vikings website open on his computer, the little skive.  Reckon he still prefers the oval ball.

11.07AM - There's a meeting for the CFC volunteers tonight.  Some of the staff are having a laugh because the volunteer co-ordinator, Barrelled Ferrets, gets paid whilst those doing the work don't get nothing.  The finer points of economics escape me, as I just pay for things by killing sparrows and giving them as presents.  Harsh on the sparrows, but that's nature, yeah?

12.30PM - Had a nap under Neil's car.

2.00PM - There's no cat flaps in this stadium, which is making things tricky to be honest.  Managed to get up on my hinds to push a door open which turned out to be Jiff Bricks's office.  Found a receipt for a suit shop where he'd spent £1,000.  It seems a lot, but that was for 23 suits.  And a tie.  Stole the tie.

3.22PM - Husky still on the Widnes Vikings website.  Between you and me, I'm not sure he actually does anything Chester-related.

3.41PM - Met up with BiG Lupus round by the bins.  He's a good guy, shared some fish with me.  We had a game of Tug-O-War with Bricksy's tie, and Lupus won.  Looks good on him actually.

3.43PM - Lupus asleep, stole the tie back.

4.05PM - Contacted the Jestrian to warn that this feature is beyond ridiculous.  Concerns ignored.

4.26PM - Strolled into the dressing room.  Neil's drawing arrows and stuff on the whiteboard.  Must be tactics for the Bradford game.  Think we've signed some new players, too; midfield of Green Lane, James Street and Hooton.  Found a puffer coat discarded on the floor.  Curled up in it for a bit, and can see why he likes them.  Talk about comfort.

5.23PM - Took a ganders inside the stadium.  Husky's got the floodlights on and he's kicking a rugger ball over the goalposts.  He looks happy.

5.30PM - Left to get home to the kittens before bedtime.

Much love,

The Jestrian's Cat

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