Chester FC will travel to Matlock tomorrow, provided someone can figure out where it is.
Matlock sit tenth in the Evo Stik Northern Premier League, having turned to football following a relatively successful run as an American legal drama between the years of 1986 and 1995.
The Blues are encouraged by news that midfielder Ashley Williams, 24, successfully came through a game with the youth team in midweek. Williams was given special dispensation to play in the match on the understanding that he agree to study three A Levels, drink White Lightning and labour under the delusion that he's already got all of life's answers so as to constitute a convincing under 18.
Victory against Bradford Park Avenue has left Chester in a stronger position than ever at the top of the table. With his team five points ahead of Northwich Victoria, and with a game in hand, Neil Young knows that every point is vital at this stage.
"It's all about having the right people for the right jobs," mused the Blues Supremo. "On the pitch, there's not a great difference in standard between us and Vics, but Youngy's a step ahead. You've gotta have people in admin positions who know how to fill in a form, otherwise you wind up losing three points because no-one is sure whether Tom Field is English or British."
Chorley Town are now third, and are also completely irrelevant. Hednesford, who won the FA Cup at the Exacta Stadium earlier this season, sit fourth.
Young has characterised the next two matches as "massive", indicating that whilst he himself is "mad for it", it is his players who will have to "have it large" if they want to come out of the two games having racked up another six points.
"I'm thinking of branching Merseyrail out into Manchester," explained Young, having traded his puffer for a long, dark green jacket and swaggering about with his arms swinging behind his back.
Highlights of the match will be available on http://www.mtfctv.co.uk/. Chester fans will be able to view these highlights for free. Just sayin'.