Frickley Athletic vs Chester FC - Match Rinkcavage

This much!
Chester's chairman indicates how excited he is about tomorrow's game

Chester hit the road this weekend as they travel to Frickley, a cloggy team who have frustrated several top clubs this season - as well as numerous fans who just want to watch a game of footy.

"Never... again..." gasped one visibly exhausted Northwich fan, following their January draw with the Elmsall outfit.

Splendidly-named Peter Rinkcavage was the mastermind behind Frickley's gaining a point at the Exacta Stadium earlier in the season, and will be in confident mood off the back of a draw with title-chasing dullards Hednesford.

Neil Young has spoken about the need to play "ugly” against Rinkcavage’s men, fearing that the pitch will make it impossible to play football. This seems as though it must be in stark contravention of FA regulations, and it does rather force Young's hand, selection-wise.

"We'll be lining up with a couple of gargoyles in defence," explained the entirely sane Blues manager.  "I've checked the rulebook and there's no mention of carved stone grotesques, so I think this idea is a goer, so long as I can get the paperwork done in time."

“It’s a good job John Danby is injured for this one, he’s far too good looking to play in this sort of game," continued Young.  "On the other hand, Glenno's hair-do is thuggish enough for him to look as though we signed him from Easter Island, so he's ideal for this game."

Westfield Lane is overshadowed by the former colliery’s spoil tip, and this is sure to invoke the spirit of 2000 when Chester City battled to a win over Easington Colliery in the FA Cup. Club chairman The Pilsbury Dough Beard has already promised to get into the spirit of the occasion, vowing to climb on top of the stand to watch the match the way that former chairman and suspected lunatic Terry Smith famously did during the Easington Clash.

“Nobody really knows why he did it, especially as the weather was horrific that day, but if it’s good enough for Tez it’s good enough for Pils,” insisted Pilsbury, before being cut short as he tried to continue into 90s hit Good Enough, by Dodgy.

Frickley are likely to hand former Blue Ollie Ryan a start, and former Southport goalkeeper Steve Dickinson will line up in goal. Chester fans may remember Dickinson from his Southport days when he used to laugh at people on the Harry Mac who needlessly abused him.  Dickinson would often end up gaining the admiration of the home crowd for the good spirits in which he took the banter, joining Forest Green's Steve Perrin as the only other Conference goalkeeper with a functioning personality that season.

Young hopes to welcome Michael Wilde back to the squad and, other than the long term casualties, has almost a full squad to pick from. Stefan Cox has had his loan spell at the club extended, but will more than likely drop to the bench as the Blues manager regularly suffers from well-known psychological condition "Winger Jitters" when travelling to a notoriously difficult away ground.

“I’ll never forgot seeing Mark Peers completely consumed by a pitch once. I just saw some arms waving near the opposite touchline as the pitch had actually eaten his legs and their lads were treading all over him. Not a day for Coxy,” warned a haunted Young.